i barfeds in our rink
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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