I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
