Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
