Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My vagina just recognized that song.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
