I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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