i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
