haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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