I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
