Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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