I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
