College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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