I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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