Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
