I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
