GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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