Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
