so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
