that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
