My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
