Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
