R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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