I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
