her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
