Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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