I got chris browned last night
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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