wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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