Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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