My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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