oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
