there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
