so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
