covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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