But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
