I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Text me some of your sweat
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