I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
