Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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