Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
