i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
