She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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