Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
