none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I CAN MOONWALK!
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
