Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
