considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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