Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
