Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
