after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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