I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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