haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
