She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
