i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
