My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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