Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
