I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
