I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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